The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What a dumb baby whore.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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