I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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