I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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