I can tuck mytits in my pants
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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