Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
