All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize