i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
