Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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