Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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