I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I didn't notice because vodka
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
