Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why is your signature on my underwear?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
