can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
