I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
