Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
