They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
