i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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