He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
