How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
