my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
