I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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