I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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