Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
