vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
