I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
