he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
