He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
