I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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