and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
