where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
