You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
