I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
