You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize