she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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