Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
