i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
