all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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