My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
