i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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