you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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