I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
