New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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