We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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