Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
