chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
