with your own penis?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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