Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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