I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
