Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize