i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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