I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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