It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
