i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
