why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
