I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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