so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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