I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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