I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
