we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
