So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
