oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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