Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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