Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
