We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
