I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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