why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
