Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(806): View more from Texas

Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...

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(314): View more from Missouri

every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.

Fav 13 5382 1289
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.

Fav 11 1066 2666
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(971): View more from Oregon

You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.

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(276): View more from Virginia

They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?

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(519): View more from Ontario

How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..

(1-519): View more from Ontario

Not very gracefully, that's how.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion

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