I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
