I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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