As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
try to milk me bitch
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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