i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
