from now on my penis is your penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
